I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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