I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
