I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
God, I missed his penis.
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