How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
