I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
