Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
