I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
