I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
