I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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