Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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