Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
