So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
