After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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