I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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