are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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