I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
