I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
