so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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