I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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