I am puke
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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