I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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