I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
