I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
