my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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