i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize