First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just gargled with NyQuil
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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