Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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