apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
