Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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