ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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