dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
false alarm, still single
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
