awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
