I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
