tell your sister to shave her snatch
Everything about him screamed your future.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
