spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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