Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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