I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
