I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
