We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize