she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
