Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
