oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
