i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
