Ambien. No doubt about it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
