You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
