The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
