Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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