Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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