Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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