nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
