these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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