Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
