Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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