EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
