just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
