Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
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Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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