my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
