I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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