I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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