I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
