Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Let's get the cat blown out
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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