miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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