I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
